


Ooh, Crazy's What They Think About Me

by Sealy



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben is alive again, Fluff, Grace Is An Angel, Luther's not brainwashed anymore, My First AO3 Post, Name changing, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Time Travel, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, idk how to tag lol, they all do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21959452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sealy/pseuds/Sealy
Summary: The Hargreeves face challenges daily, they have since they were young, especially since Reginald made them be the Umbrella Academy. When they became adults and moved out of the mansion, their challenges changed. As adults, something that challenged them the most was, surprisingly, signing things. Yes, signing things. For the 7 siblings, their names on their birth certificates were not what they called each other. Their names were Number One, Number Two, Number Three, Number Four, Number Five, Number Six, and Number Seven respectively. Though, Five and Ben never had to deal with it due to their circumstances, you can probably see why this may cause issues.Yikes this is so bad. I'm no good at writing descriptions of things I've written, but please give it a read! This is just meant to be a silly one-shot about something random I thought about, nothing long or complicated. So, yeah. Oh, and a warning for language.Merry Christmas!! (and happy holidays for those that celebrate other things or nothing at all)
Relationships: Grace Hargreeves & Everyone, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 6
Kudos: 182
Collections: The umbrella academy





	Ooh, Crazy's What They Think About Me

Trouble didn’t often approach Vanya, especially since leaving her home at the Academy. The main problem was with how she had to sign papers of all things. It was constantly a brutal reminder of her negligent home and father. After all, signing her name as 'Number Seven' oftentimes had the people around her questioning her for it.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” a man had begun after she’d first signed up for violin classes, “You signed your name here as Number Seven, is that really correct?”

Vanya frowned sadly, “My legal name is Number Seven. I go by Vanya, but I was told to write my birth certificate name and…”

The man frowned, “Who names their kid ‘Number Seven’?”

Vanya’s frown stayed, although a little more bitter now, “Reginald Hargreeves, I guess.”

“...Hargreeves? The billionaire and father to those Umbrella Academy kids?” he questioned. “I’ve never heard of you before. Are you lying?”

“Yes, he is my father. And no, I am not lying. I believe it best you stop now... please,” Vanya suggested softly. She hated talking about her siblings and father; she was jealous. How could she not be? It was a few months later when Vanya began therapy and only then let go of most of her negative feelings towards her family.

“Ah- I’m sorry,” the man apologized hastily, but his eyes still followed her out of doubt and confusion, “Best of luck... Ms. Hargreeves.”

Vanya just nodded and walked off, sighing. She hated whenever this happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Klaus didn’t often have to sign things, you know. He’s an addict and a druggie. He doesn’t really sign up for things or have things to pay for. He did however, have to sign things for the rehab center… every time. It annoyed him to no end, despite nobody questioning it after the first time. After all, signing his name as Number Four raised questions quickly.

“Sorry, sir, I think you signed this incorrectly?” the woman who was working the counter that day told him.

“No. That’s my name,” Klaus tried to stop it from becoming a big deal.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “I find that hard to believe. Do you have anyone who can confirm?”

“Pfft, I mean, I sure as hell ain’t calling Sir Reginald Fucking Hargreeves to confirm that he couldn’t care less for his kids so he named them fucking numbers, but feel free to go ahead, lady,” Klaus barked, laughing.

The woman blinked at him, “Oh… You’re… The Seancé?”

“You know who I am? I’m honored,” Klaus smiled, bringing a hand to his chest for the drama.

The woman had a sad expression, “You became an addict.”

There was disappointment in the woman’s voice that Klaus tried to ignore, but for some reason it still hurt. Perhaps he was so deprived of approval that he sought it even from strangers. Hm. And, wait, shouldn’t people who work here not be judgmental of people who come here? Hm. Again.

“Well, my powers aren’t exactly the nicest thing. Can I move on now?” Klaus sighed.

“Very well... Number Four,” the woman reluctantly said.

“I go by Klaus,” he told her as he walked away.

She seemed to have let out a sigh (Maybe of relief because he had a real name? Or maybe it was just more disappointment) as he walked away.

Ben was frowning in the background, this being the first time he saw the trouble of these numbers being their legal names, though that’s not to say he didn’t hate having a number for name. He never brought it up though, which Klaus was grateful for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allison, of course, had a lot of legal trouble with her name, being an actress and all. She had to sign many things, and she’s had a lot of people question her. She remembered the first time it truly happened, though, was when she signed for her first movie. After all, signing her name as Number Three was unusual for sure.

The director had immediately raised an eyebrow at reading her name and Allison sighed heavily.

“Number Three?” he asked, “What is this? A joke?”

“No sir, my legal name on my birth certificate, written by my father, is Number Three,” Allison confirmed bitterly.

His eyebrow stayed raised, wanting a better explanation. 

Allison raised her wrist and wiped the makeup covering her tattoo, “My father is Reginald Hargreeves.”

“The eccentric billionaire,” the director recognized.

“Yes. He bought us from our parents before the birth certificates could even be written and wrote our names as numbers, sir,” Allison sighed.

The director also sighed, “I never liked that guy. You go by Allison, though, if I heard correctly?”

“Yes, a name I treasure, given to me by my mother,” Allison smiled.

The meeting continued smoothly, but there was a slight sadness in the air that they both tried to ignore after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diego really only had to sign for one thing in his life and that was a contract to live in the boxing building and cleaning the floors as payment. He remembers seeing “birth name” on the contract and frowning deeply. He was filled with rage. After all, signing his name as Number Two, was sure to have the coach wondering.

With a scowl, he’d handed the paper back to the man, who’d raised an eyebrow at his sudden anger, but then read over the signature and frowned.

“What’s with this, kid? Number Two? ‘Thought it was Diego,” the man questioned.

“It is Diego,” he didn’t want to say anymore, but the eyebrow stayed raised and he sighed, “My name is Number Two because my father doesn’t give a shit about me or my siblings and named us numbers after buying us from our real parents.”

The man squinted his eyes at him and they flickered to the Umbrella tattoo on his wrist, “Hargreeves huh? Sorry to hear that, Diego. Can’t be easy.”

Diego was a little shocked but just smirked, “Thanks.”

He was just glad that he’d not made too big of a deal out of it.

“With me, you can sign things as Diego, if you prefer, no legal trouble, ‘kay, kid?” the man turned away.

Diego froze at that, and a strange feeling arose in his chest. He was grateful. 

Not having the words, Diego just nodded thankfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luther, like Klaus and Diego didn’t need to sign much. Really, he’d only had to sign the forms and waivers for him going to the moon and for the training for it. The first time he signed something and gave it to someone, they’d frowned immediately. However, signing his name as Number One was nothing if not a pride for Luther at the time.

“Is something wrong?” Luther asked, upon seeing the woman’s frown.

“You signed your legal name as ‘Number One,’” the woman said as if that explained everything.

“Yes?” Luther nodded, a bit confused.

The woman coughed awkwardly, “I, uh, I thought your name was Luther Hargreeves?”

“Oh- Well, my birth name is Number One!” Luther said as if it were the most natural thing ever.

The lady scratched her head, shyly.

“What?” Luther asked, still confused.

“It’s just… Don’t you find that strange? Being named ‘Number One’?” the woman asked.

“Not really, it’s just what Dad did,” Luther shrugged. “I’m happy to hold my title as Number One and as the leader to my siblings.”

“O-Oh okay, I guess,” the woman shook her head, realizing Luther wouldn’t get it, “You’re good to go then, Luther. Best of luck in training.”

Luther nodded and went off to the training room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who knew Vanya was the bringer of the apocalypse, huh? Not that any of them- except maybe Luther a bit- would blame her. Her upbringing, along with all of theirs, wasn’t the best. Reginald Hargreeves raised them as nothing more than tools, but for Vanya, she was raised as the useless sister. So when she discovered her powers, of course she was angry.

They were lucky Five was with them, because apparently, they’d have died without him. Five managed to take them back in time with him, back to before everything started with his disappearance.

It had been 3 years since then. They were 16 now. Five hadn’t time traveled away and avoiding Ben’s death was coming up soon, something all of them were determined to do.

It was after that where the mess came up. They’d all decided to sneak out to Griddy’s that night to talk about what happens next because of how big of a difference this could make.

After discussing for a bit, Ben- and wow, all of them would never be over how grateful they were to having him in their lives again- and Five making the most points, they’d fallen into a silence, drinking their coffee or eating their donuts quietly.

It was Klaus, slouched in the booth, who started a conversation again, “Y’know something I’m never gonna forgive him for?”

Nobody had to ask who ‘he’ was. There were hums of acknowledgement around the table, the group starting to get a little tired.

“My fucking name,” Klaus giggled, and continued with a joking tone, “I mean, who the fuck is Number Four anyway?”

Five raised an eyebrow at him, as did Luther, while Ben sighed at him. The others however, they all groaned, even Vanya. Five and Luther jumped at that.

“What?” Luther asked.

“My birth, legal- whatever the hell you wanna call it- name is Number Four,” Klaus explained, “Do you know how many times I’ve had to sign shit and people look at me like I’m crazy until I show them my fucking tattoo or something?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Allison groans dragging out the last word.

“Oh… I suppose you would be worse off as an actress, Allison,” Vanya winced.

Allison goes on to tell them a couple of times where she’d had trouble with her name, including that time with the director from her first movie.

“Mine were different, I guess,” Vanya sighed sadly. After Allison had finished, she’d then asked about their experiences.

“How so?” Diego asked.

Vanya looked up, “I didn’t exist to the people. I had no tattoo to show them. And sometimes… sometimes when I said Reginald Hargreeves was my father, they didn’t believe me and called him.”

Everyone winced, feeling awful.

“Yeah… I don’t really know how I convinced him to tell them I was real. Sometimes he didn’t. That stopped my future of martial arts, by the way,” Vanya sighed. “Not to mention, I almost couldn’t keep my apartment because of it once.”

“Shit,” Five was gritting his teeth.

Luther was looking at her in a kind of horror. Diego, Allison, and Klaus were all like Five, pissed, though Klaus was a bit more subtle. Ben was looking at her sadly, regretfully. Though he didn’t have a reason to in Vanya’s opinion. It wasn’t his fault or anything.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop a bomb like that. It’s in the… past? Future? I dunno, just… It’s okay,” Vanya took a sip of her milkshake.

“That’s not okay, Vanya…” Allison whispered. “It’s really not.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Vanya not denying it.

Five stood up, suddenly though, shocking some of them, “Well, fuck that.”

“H-huh?” some of them stuttered.

“We’re '16,' idiots. We can legally change our names without a guardian’s permission,” Five told them, using finger quotes around 16, “I’m surprised none of you thought of it.”

They all blinked, but Vanya had tears in her eyes.

“Can we?” Vanya asked shyly, reverting back to her old, quieter self.

“Sure! Let’s all ditch tomorrow, show back up at the house at a random hour with new names, shove it in dad’s face, and laugh as hard as we can,” Klaus joked, but he’d meant everything seriously.

Diego nodded approvingly, as did Five and Ben, while Allison and Vanya just laughed lightly. Luther, however, looked concerned.

“I… suppose I don’t really see the problem? I’ve never had that issue. Being Number One is something I’m proud of…” Luther told them.

There was silence around the table. They thought they’d ‘un-brainwashed’ Luther by now. 

Another beat of silence, then, “I was joking.”

They all sighed in relief, minus Five who sighed in slight annoyance.

“Dang, Luther,” Diego sighed, “Not the best time.” But he was smiling.

They were all smiling, all still happy with the idea of legally changing their names.

They next day they skipped out on training, Five teleported and gathered all the things they needed after they’d spent some time researching, then left the house, smiling and happy.

On the way though, Vanya realized something, “What about you Five? You never took a name from Mom. Are you going to pick something?”

Five hummed, “No, I may just take away the ‘Number’ part though. Five’s grown on me.”

Vanya just nodded, “That’s fair, I guess.”

The others hummed an agreement, having also been curious about that.

And thus, they went through the legalities and 7 kids had their names legally changed in one day.

After that, they all spent a little time out as a celebration, before returning home. When they got home, the first thing they did was run for Mom.

“Mom!” a couple of them called out excitedly.

In the past few years, they’d all been working with Diego, trying to get their mom some sentience. While Diego was correct in that she’d evolved some, they wanted her to be free.  
They all could agree that they were close.

“In the kitchen children!” Mom called back.

They grinned at each other, then ran in, acting like the children they looked like, despite being over 30 years old.

“Where have you been? Reginald has been-” Mom froze upon seeing all of them smiling brightly, she returned the smile, simply happy to see her children happy. Suddenly, they rushed to hug her, “What brought this on?”

“I- We… we just w-wanted to thank you, Mom,” Diego stuttered a bit.

“Whatever for?” Mom asked, perplexed.

“Our names,” Vanya replied softly.

“But of course! I couldn’t let you all grow up simply being called numbers,” Mom smiled at them.

“Mother,” Klaus smiled, “Guess what!”

“Yes, Klaus?” Mom asked.

“We changed our names!” Klaus laughed, happily.

Mom seemed to freeze at that and she blinked, processing, “Children, what-”

“Since we’re 16, we can legally change our names. So we did,” Five smirked.

“I’m legally Klaus Hargreeves, now!” Klaus continued to smile, holding up his certification.

“And I’m legally Allison Hargreeves!” Allison copied the actions.

The others did the same.

“Oh my,” Mom said, stunned, but she was smiling, almost proudly.

“The names you gave us…” Ben started softly, “Really meant a lot to us, Mom.” Ben went back to hugging her again.

“I’m glad,” Mom said in the softest voice they’d ever heard from her. And for some of them, they were sure that if she could cry, she would be. Tears of joy, that is.

Pogo, who was standing outside the doorway, did have tears in his eyes, happy for the children. Pogo went off to Reginald’s office to buy them some time with their mother before Reginald decided to do anything, keeping himself going with the wonderful image of the children embracing their mother with bright smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3  
> I finally decided to post something on here lol  
> I have so many stories I've written just sitting in Google Docs bcs I'm always nervous about posting things. Not to mention, I don't have the commitment to post a longer, multi-chapter story haha
> 
> Criticism and grammar/spelling corrections welcome (Pls be nice tho, I'm fragile :'p)


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